1. a Year of Wishes and Dreams Come True

    One year ago today I began to carry my heart outside of my body when I became Micah’s Mommy. And every day of this past year my heart has shattered into a million pieces as it bursts with joy, pride, love and the bittersweet realization that my baby is growing so quickly. Her smile, her kisses, her snuggles, her laugh, her sassy little expressions help mend my heart just so it can be shattered again the next day. 

    We recently watched Micah’s birth video. Any faded memories of pain came flooding back. But along with the pain comes strength of body, mind and spirit. This year has taught me that nature did not make a mistake when she designed the journey into motherhood. It was but a mere glimpse of what’s to come. Being a Mom means trusting my intuition. It means sometimes putting aside my own discomfort for the sake of another life. It means quieting my thoughts in order to truly hear my daughter. It means working with her, guiding her and letting her guide me. Together, we are navigating our relationship. And just like her birth, this has required strength of body, mind and spirit. It has required strong communication and trust in C’s and my marriage. And just like Micah’s birth, I constantly find myself locking eyes with my beautiful wife, finding comfort in her reassuring gaze.

    This has been an enchanting year, the beginning of a long journey with our Baby Magic. We have been surrounded by so much love; our family, friends and fellow new parents are not only a vital support system for Momma and Mommy, but are also incredible role models for Micah. We are blessed and grateful for our community. 

    Micah is a spirited child. She knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go after it. She is not easily deterred from her intentions and I LOVE that about her. We hope to foster this quality, teaching her that patience and perseverance do pay off. Micah is hyper aware of her surroundings and seems to drink in life as it buzzes about her. Easily amused, she giggles with delight as we dance, and read and clap and play. 

    On your first birthday, dear Micah, we honor the person you are and we thank you for the joy you bring us. Your Momma and I love you and will always be here as you grow and wish and chase your dreams. 

    When you wish upon a star

    Makes no difference who you are

    Anything your heart desires

    Will come to you. 

  2. Honor The Present

    Today it was 77 degrees in LA, one of my very best friends just relocated out here, and we are about to wind down 2013 with family and santa and baby’s first snow. How is it already the end of the year? How is it Micah is nearly 9 months old? I feel like I need to start planning her first birthday already! It’s been months since I’ve written because time. Just. Keeps. Flying. By. 

    As I observe Micah growing, learning and changing, I see myself growing, learning and changing as well. I see my partner spreading her momma wings and our beautiful (now legal!)  marriage has strengthened as we define and shape our new roles and contributions to our family. We have finally decided on Mommy (me) and Momma (C) and do our best to practice it. Hopefully Micah will be able to keep it straight because we sure can’t! 

    During the past 5 months since I’ve written, we have proudly introduced our family and friends to our sweet girl. We’ve had many play dates, swim lessons, walks with the dog, picnics, trips to the store, lunch dates and plane rides. We witness her taking in the world as she developed from a little nugget who laid on her back coo-ing, to an army crawler who has full “conversations” and knows how to express herself. Her motor skills are syncing up with her thought process now. I love watching her toss aside anything that gets in her path. Such intention! 

    I am in awe of the developmental stages that are occurring so rapidly. And while excited for all that lies ahead, I find myself already mourning the previous stages, including pregnancy. This is where the cornerstone of my growth begins. Honoring the present. And because I intended this blog to partially be an outlet for me to lock in some memories, I have a strong desire to write details about the past 5 months. But a) I don’t have time for that and b) I am working on remaining in the present. 

    So then, back to today -  a snapshot of my day to day. Micah slept in until 6:43 this morning. She went to bed on the early side last night, too. She’s nursing a lot throughout the night (we co-sleep) because her top two teeth are coming in (insert xmas song here). Her bottom two are already in and I catch glimpses of them when she belly laughs. If I try to take a peek and hold down her lip,  she covers her new pearly whites with her tongue. Cheeky monkey!  Anyway, she always wakes up with a smile and starts babbling right away. “AaaaT, mamamamama, AaaaaT, a-bababa.” She rolls over looking for Momma and upon locking eyes with her sleepy other mother, she shrieks with delight. By now, Simon is slowly waking up and stretching his doggie legs. And together, the three of them bound out of the bedroom ready to start the day with a long walk and some playtime. This Mommy gets at least one hour of uninterrupted glorious sleep. 

    When it’s time for Momma to go to work, I nurse the nugget and then she plays with tupperware or spoons in her highchair while I do dishes and get breakfast ready. She often experiments with new tastes in the morning and today was parsnips. She gobbled it up and the rest went to Simon. After wiping hands and face, we play for a bit and read books before her morning nap. She is still napping in my arms. Yes, every nap. No thank you, I don’t want your advice or two cents. I nurse and soak up the stillness of her sweaty little head and petite body. At least once a day I marvel at how much she has physically grown. And while she sleeps, I either catch a quick nap, answer emails or click click click on Facebook and the internet. I want to start using at least one nap to meditate. Or maybe I will plan her first birthday. 

    Post-nap we take Simon on a walk. And with 70+ degree weather in December, what a joyous walk it is! Sometimes we walk and get coffee or juice and other times we just walk and look at the trees and the houses. Back to the house for a quick lunch and then today we hopped in the car to pick up my friend that relocated. Britt and I met 17 years ago in college which means 17 years of watching each other go through ups and downs of life. And now she sees me as a Mom. And I get to share my child with her. And now that Britt lives here, Micah will get to learn from another strong, smart, independent woman. I’m so grateful for the many people who will influence Micah. 

    Because she missed her afternoon nap, I stuck Micah in the tub early and nursed her to sleep. She is peacefully snoozing in her crib until I scoop her up for bed. And while she dreams, I finally sat down to reflect. And pay bills. Because life keeps going while I am in a bubble of blissful “firsts” and figuring out the Mommy thing. And just when I think I have it down, Micah grows and learns and changes. And so I must grow and learn and change, too. 

    Wishing you and yours a healthy and peaceful holiday season and a happy new year.

  3. Happy Fourth of July! Our little firework is three months old today!
    High Res

    Happy Fourth of July! Our little firework is three months old today!

  4. Historical day - DOMA overturned and buh-bye Prop 8. Micah and her Mommies will be heading to the courthouse soon!

  5. SYTYCD Season 28

    So You Think You Can Dance Season 10 just started and Momma C and I are obsessed. We promptly enrolled Baby Magic in dance classes and she is already a star! 

    Here are two of her favorite routines:

    Blurred Lines

    Tiny Dancer

    *Mama A is supposed to be napping when baby naps, but laughing while making these videos is way more fun. 

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  6. Celebrating Pride as Parents

    My latest blog post can be seen on our midwives’ blog. Check it out! 

    http://birthsanctuary.com/forum/?p=217

  7. star light, star bright, look who’s two months tonight

    star light, star bright, look who’s two months tonight

  8. Micah is a happy baby, but especially in the morning after a big poo. Hell, who isn’t?!?

  9. Happy Mothers’ Day! Thank you for choosing us, Micah.
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    Happy Mothers’ Day! Thank you for choosing us, Micah.

  10. Parenthood

    As I sit here typing this with one hand and snuggling my precious daughter with the other, I find it hard to believe a month has passed since Micah’s arrival. I spend my days learning, trying to decipher every squawk, cry and gurgle. And yet it truly feels as though I’ve always known her. 

    C is in charge of diapers, I cover the feedings and together we are rockin’ motherhood.  When I am freaking out that a simple rash may be scarlet fever (Google is a blessing and a curse) and C is calm, I am once again reminded that I chose the perfect partner. And when I take on the diaper change after an early morn feeding so C can sleep a few more minutes before her alarm goes off, I feel like a flippin’ hero. 

    Gigi (my Mom) came to visit for a week and I felt so very proud to hand my daughter over to her as though she was a gift my Mom had always yearned for. And to see Gigi gush over Micah made me feel less guilty for the insane amount of cooking and cleaning my Mom did. Thank you Mom!! Grammie (C’s Mom) arrives tonight and I know it will be round two of pride and home cooked meals.

    The most relaxing moments this month have been evenings spent on the couch next to C,who is holding our sleeping baby, as we watch the TV show Parenthood. We got into this show right before Micah was born and have been obsessively watching episode after episode every night. We watch the various stages of child rearing as this family laughs, lives and loves together. We mentally take notes on how to handle situations that are inevitably in our future. And every night C hums the theme song Forever Young by Bob Dylan. Our friend Katie said her Dad dedicated this song to her when she was born. We’d like to borrow that idea. This one’s for you, MIcah:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7WTW-8RhR4

    May God bless and keep you always 
    May your wishes all come true
    May you always do for others 
    And let others do for you
    May you build a ladder to the stars 
    And climb on every rung
    May you stay forever young
    Forever young, forever young 
    May you stay forever young.

    May you grow up to be righteous 
    May you grow up to be true
    May you always know the truth 
    And see the lights surrounding you
    May you always be courageous 
    Stand upright and be strong
    May you stay forever young
    Forever young, forever young 
    May you stay forever young.

    May your hands always be busy 
    May your feet always be swift
    May you have a strong foundation 
    When the winds of changes shift
    May your heart always be joyful 
    And may your song always be sung
    May you stay forever young
    Forever young, forever young 
    May you stay forever young.

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  11. High Res